Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Saying Good-Bye to the Past & Hello to the NOW

I recently decided that my past, past memories and past messages were getting all in my way.

So I started to say good-bye to ended relationships. Saying what I wanted to say, should have said or needed to say. It's been interesting!!! But I actually feel lighter and more free.

I'm far from done. I've got some heavy stuff to say so long to but it is waaaaaaaaay past time.

It's actually been empowering. Stating the obvious of my behavior and other's behavior.

Realizing that I wasn't crazy while this shit was going on. That I lost my voice, or had never found it. That I became someone I thought they wanted to be with, instead of being me.

Once I get through this process I hope to be able to recognize me, the new me with a clear ability to voice my opinions about how I'm being treated, about how I want to be treated and how I deserve to be treated. Being true to myself, not changing me to be with someone.

Those are exciting thoughts. Can't wait to put that into action.

I have been able to get people off my toes, but I need to discern when a more direct approach should be taken. I'll get there.

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