Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Saying Good-Bye to the Past & Hello to the NOW

I recently decided that my past, past memories and past messages were getting all in my way.

So I started to say good-bye to ended relationships. Saying what I wanted to say, should have said or needed to say. It's been interesting!!! But I actually feel lighter and more free.

I'm far from done. I've got some heavy stuff to say so long to but it is waaaaaaaaay past time.

It's actually been empowering. Stating the obvious of my behavior and other's behavior.

Realizing that I wasn't crazy while this shit was going on. That I lost my voice, or had never found it. That I became someone I thought they wanted to be with, instead of being me.

Once I get through this process I hope to be able to recognize me, the new me with a clear ability to voice my opinions about how I'm being treated, about how I want to be treated and how I deserve to be treated. Being true to myself, not changing me to be with someone.

Those are exciting thoughts. Can't wait to put that into action.

I have been able to get people off my toes, but I need to discern when a more direct approach should be taken. I'll get there.

How to: Funky Strip Scarf

This scarf was inspired by my apparent subconcious love
of floral fabric, lovingly pointed out by my 21 yr old dgt.

This scarf is mostly decorative.
But is stylishly warm and very soft and adds to your funky style points

Materials needed: I use anti pill fleece .
For a two color scarf you will need a 1/4 yard of each color
scissors, a rotary cutter and mat.

1. Placing right sides together,

2. sew a 1/4" seam on both sides of the scarf. (right and left)

Leave bottom & top open. Turn inside out.
3. Line up side seams, this now becomes the middle seam.
TIP: To eliminate bulkiness, pin the side seams together.
Make sure excess fabrice from seams
lays on either side of your new middle seam

Sew 1/4" seam on either side of middle seam.

4. Using rotary cutter, cut 1 1/2" strips from fold to 1/4" from middle seam.

5. Shake out, twist & wear!
There is another version for sale in my Etsy shop.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


Why does that dirty word begin with 'pro'? Ain't nothing 'pro' about it.....well I am a pro @it! But 'pro' also means: good, benefit....and procrastinators know there's no true good benefit from it. Let's try 'concrastination'. Yeah that's a way better fit. I con myself into thinking that I can get a task completed to the best of my abilities in less time than is humanly possible. If I had started earlier, way earlier, I would have succeeded, but I concrastinated. I like that.
New word: concrastination. (Why do I feel like Andy Rooney?). It works. Con is a much better way of starting that word. Con: to dupe or be duped; not beneficial. Sounds just like it. At times to help us make decisions we make a list of pros and cons. We know people that are pros and we know people who are pros@ conning us; aka: con artists. If we are concrastinators.....we are both!!!!

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Do Me!! (not in a Prince sense)

I come from a musical family, there are nine of us and we all play(ed) the piano, took piano lessons. At one studio we didn't perform with the rest of the students, we gave 'duMaine family' recitals. When I was a kid, I used to hate with a passion this stupid a** question, "which one of you is the best". My sisters and brothers used to look at each other and hem and haw trying not to exalt ourselves at the risk of hurt feelings. How retarded to ask siblings that kind of a question. Apples and oranges. (God moment coming) When God was giving out gifts, do you think the Divine gave less to one and more to another? Do you think God wants us constantly comparing those gifts? Don't we all peak @different times? Isn't it way more important to postively support and encourage, not judge and discourage. Don't ask me to compare my gifts to my brothers and sisters. We each have our own unique talent and our own unique way of sharing and expressing and using those gifts.

I fought feelings of inadequacey for years, struggling with those very comparisons, and still to this day retarded people have the fricking nerve to ask me that ridiculous question.
I finally got it!! I AM ME!! I am woking to be just as God wants me to be. Two of my brothers and I still do the music thing. I am not in competion with my brothers. I love my brothers and am extremely proud of their accomplishments, including their many musical accomplishments. They are staggeringly gifted in ad libbing.

I watched my bro, 'D'*, perform Happy Birthday for at least 5 minutes ad libbing from the beginning to the end. I was floored!
'DubU' and 'D', played a 45 minute jazz set, without rehearsing once. One of them chose the key E flat, and they went from there.
Blew my mind! Please don't ask me to do that!

But can I get an elementary school located in an urban city to perform 'Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat'? Can I get 3 & 4 year olds to dance to a 4 minute song and stay focused enough to not forget many steps? Can I write, choreograph, costume, and compose music for 'A Hip Hop Christmas Story' and involve over 110 students ranging in age from 3 to 12? The answer to those questions is 'Hell Yeah!!'

Is that talent? You betcha'! Is it any less staggering than my brothers? No!!!

I had a 'friend' pull those antics on me just recently. Asking me the 'retarded' question 'who's better?' AND starting a statement with 'I don't mean no harm BUT'. I haven't told him about himself yet, think I need to calm down first. But I will set this straight.
My Aha moment: I don't have anything to prove to anyone! I must do what makes me happy! I am me! I must do me to be happy!
*My brother's names have been altered!!

Name Changeback

I was watching the finale to one of my fave shows Wednesday Night, Top Chef. Of course I was pulling for Carla. She's quirky, she's contagious, she's pursuing her dreams. But I knew as soon as she stepped away from herself allowing her sous chef to change her menu she was doomed. How did I know?! I stepped away from myself and let my 'sous guide' change the name of my dream. Why? Because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I know! I know! I know! What about my feelings? Where was my voice. Where was Carla's. I painfully watched as she realized throughout prep that she had let her 'loving ways' derail her opportunity. She knew it and during Judge's table with tears streaming down her face she blamed no one for her decision. Impressive! Classy! She is so contagious that the pompous chef, Stephan stepped to her, twice, and consoled her.
I blame no one for my decision. I have stepped back to me, agonizingly took a deep and long introspective look into me and decided that love is love, stepping on my toes hurts, and saying ouch and getting that person off my toes is a neccesity!
Therefore: lil'd designs is reborn with a determination, a creative force, I haven't experienced since the name change. I use Sallie's World when I work with children in a workshop setting. But for my designs it will always and henceforth be: lil'd designs.
Ouch! Get off my toes!! and welcome to my loving world.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Be careful whom you tell...

I'm sure as creative people we all have those who know how to support, and those who just don't get it. Those who 9 to 5 lives work so well for them and feels so secure that they can't imagine anyone not doing life like they do. And then there are the naysayers with their 'badvice' and their poisonous words, thoughts, and deeds that they just have to share with you in the name of 'setting you straight'.

Those who know how to support a person with vision and creativity look for opportunities, understand the space, the personal space, and time devoted to the craft at hand. They are a blessing to you and your endeavors. Unfortunately they are few and far between. Usually they aren't family members or 'close'. Finding like minded people usually happens at workshops or bazaars or anywhere sellers come together to share their work.

Those who don't know how to support you, and the 'lovely' naysayers, are abundant in their existence. The non supporters love to tell you that what you're doing ain't going to make no money, don't come with healthcare benefits or a 401k. They don't understand how debilitating it is to work a 'job' that slowly kills your soul which leads to you having to use those healthcare benefits to right the health issues that come from not being true to yourself or the gifts that you have been blessed with. They are reacting from from playing it safe, and being unable or unwilling to see beyond how their world works to allow for the differences that make the world more diverse and tasty.

They think that the time you spend at rehearsals or in your studio creating detracts from the time you should be spending according to their 'Book of the Well Planned Life'. You find yourself being accused of all sorts of sins.

AND then the doubt sets in. AND the negative messages hook on.

AND your vision becomes cloudy and dim through all of the negativity.

The naysayers are even worse, because they are more blatant with their 'badvice'. They make comments that start with, "I don't mean any harm BUT" and then they rip you, your talent, your endeavors, your creations, your whatever you do that they don't have the courage to do for themselves. They act on the pretense that they are 'saving' you from yourself. Who anointed them our savior. They are afraid that you'll leave them behind. Which is exactly what you must do to create in a positive, hopeful, sunny, successfulm, stress free, loving environment. Which is why I am extremely careful with whom I share what I do ceatively.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

So I rolled over this morn after a pretty restless night, and re booted my 'lifeline' (my BlackBerry). (Tee Hee! Tee Hee!)
I read my horoscope from time to time, half believing what I read. Today's entry was one I actually saved. It spoke of how I had let negative thoughts, beliefs and others hold me back. How true!
That I have the time, talent and I need to add faith in myself. Ok!
And that basically I have the power to leave the past in the past and look to my future with all the possibilities that exist. Well, well, well.
And then something timely happened!!! My phone rang!!! And God thickened the plot!! I am a true believer & have experienced on more than 1 occassion, people or situations presenting themselves just in time. I know!!
So my daugther's friend called to ask what I would charge to make dance outfits for her church's Dance Team. I asked the questions to get a better understanding, quoted the price and will call her back w/the sketches.
This is how it works for me!! Whenever I let go, the opportunity literally knocks on my door (or calls me). So now I have a full plate and that's just fine with me!!!!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Bridal Scene: April 25, 2009

So my church has a youth fundraiser bi annually: a fashion show. So for the first one two yrs ago I did my own scene: everday african. There's still a buzz around that line, but I have gone back to my original name and id: lil'd designs.
So for this show I was asked to make a wedding dress. No scene, just one piece, a wedding dress. I don't do wedding dresses or so I thought. So then I got to thinking why the hell not?! I let the powers that be know, sure, but not just the dress but the full scene. You know the bride, groom, flower girl and ring bearer! Including the pillow 4 the rings, the basket/purse 4 the flowers, the broom for jumping and the bride's bouquet!
So my theme is a beach ceremony. Nothing too formal, more informal but dressy and funky!!! The color is a very pale gold probably trimmed in an african adinkra fabric and beaded or 'shelled' with cowry shells. I've sketched the gown, have a pretty good idea of the groom and ring bearers duds, know the look for the flower girl's dress. I would use the same accent fabric for all four looks. (I've found the fabric I want) The accessories are forming in my head: the broom, not a problem. The pillow not a problem. The basket I'm actually thinking of fabric weaving myself in the shape of a square purse shape either with gold lace or the same accent fabric as the other looks.
That's how my mind works! I started out feeling snubbed and now.....
I'll start fitting the flower girl this weekend to keep ahead of schedule.
And we'll see how this comes out!!

Memory.....I think

I have always been a forgetful person. Regarding my memory, as a child my Mom used to ask me what I was going to do as an adult, my response was always, 'be an old forgetful lady '.

Understanding that my family has that 'alzheimer's &/or dementia gene' , I pretty much get that that could be my fate. (I also believe in not putting that out there in the universe) I'm just saying . On my dad's side of the fam there are only 2 left in his generation and they both, all though brothers and roommates, don't realize that they are brothers. 2 out 4 of his sisters and 4 out of six brothers suffered extreme memory loss.

So when I read articles on how to keep the mind sharp, (there's a factoid in the new O mag) how exciting is it to know that knitting has been a proven and measured way to help over 65 year olds in preventing memory loss.

Fortunate for me that I have been knitting for years. Unfortunate that my memory kicks in to remind me that one of his sisters that suffered from alzheimer's and dementia was a knitter!! LOL

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentine's Day

I will be dating myself well @day!!! Movie, meal and even ending in a couple of nice relaxing spa treatments: hair and a pedi.
I luv being me :)

Monday, January 26, 2009

Getting Started

With my unlimited options and an opening in my freetime, now is the time to dive into the deep waters of my design work and push through my obstacles.

So now with all excuses behind me, out of my head and out of my sight, HERE I GO!!!!