Procrastination

Why does that dirty word begin with 'pro'? Ain't nothing 'pro' about it.....well I am a pro @it! But 'pro' also means: good, benefit....and procrastinators know there's no true good benefit from it. Let's try 'concrastination'. Yeah that's a way better fit. I con myself into thinking that I can get a task completed to the best of my abilities in less time than is humanly possible. If I had started earlier, way earlier, I would have succeeded, but I concrastinated. I like that.
New word: concrastination. (Why do I feel like Andy Rooney?). It works. Con is a much better way of starting that word. Con: to dupe or be duped; not beneficial. Sounds just like it. At times to help us make decisions we make a list of pros and cons. We know people that are pros and we know people who are pros@ conning us; aka: con artists. If we are concrastinators.....we are both!!!!

Do Me!! (not in a Prince sense)

I come from a musical family, there are nine of us and we all play(ed) the piano, took piano lessons. At one studio we didn't perform with the rest of the students, we gave 'duMaine family' recitals. When I was a kid, I used to hate with a passion this stupid a** question, "which one of you is the best". My sisters and brothers used to look at each other and hem and haw trying not to exalt ourselves at the risk of hurt feelings. How retarded to ask siblings that kind of a question. Apples and oranges. (God moment coming) When God was giving out gifts, do you think the Divine gave less to one and more to another? Do you think God wants us constantly comparing those gifts? Don't we all peak @different times? Isn't it way more important to postively support and encourage, not judge and discourage. Don't ask me to compare my gifts to my brothers and sisters. We each have our own unique talent and our own unique way of sharing and expressing and using those gifts.

I fought feelings of inadequacey for years, struggling with those very comparisons, and still to this day retarded people have the fricking nerve to ask me that ridiculous question.
I finally got it!! I AM ME!! I am woking to be just as God wants me to be. Two of my brothers and I still do the music thing. I am not in competion with my brothers. I love my brothers and am extremely proud of their accomplishments, including their many musical accomplishments. They are staggeringly gifted in ad libbing.

I watched my bro, 'D'*, perform Happy Birthday for at least 5 minutes ad libbing from the beginning to the end. I was floored!
'DubU' and 'D', played a 45 minute jazz set, without rehearsing once. One of them chose the key E flat, and they went from there.
Blew my mind! Please don't ask me to do that!

But can I get an elementary school located in an urban city to perform 'Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat'? Can I get 3 & 4 year olds to dance to a 4 minute song and stay focused enough to not forget many steps? Can I write, choreograph, costume, and compose music for 'A Hip Hop Christmas Story' and involve over 110 students ranging in age from 3 to 12? The answer to those questions is 'Hell Yeah!!'

Is that talent? You betcha'! Is it any less staggering than my brothers? No!!!

I had a 'friend' pull those antics on me just recently. Asking me the 'retarded' question 'who's better?' AND starting a statement with 'I don't mean no harm BUT'. I haven't told him about himself yet, think I need to calm down first. But I will set this straight.
My Aha moment: I don't have anything to prove to anyone! I must do what makes me happy! I am me! I must do me to be happy!
*My brother's names have been altered!!

Name Changeback

I was watching the finale to one of my fave shows Wednesday Night, Top Chef. Of course I was pulling for Carla. She's quirky, she's contagious, she's pursuing her dreams. But I knew as soon as she stepped away from herself allowing her sous chef to change her menu she was doomed. How did I know?! I stepped away from myself and let my 'sous guide' change the name of my dream. Why? Because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I know! I know! I know! What about my feelings? Where was my voice. Where was Carla's. I painfully watched as she realized throughout prep that she had let her 'loving ways' derail her opportunity. She knew it and during Judge's table with tears streaming down her face she blamed no one for her decision. Impressive! Classy! She is so contagious that the pompous chef, Stephan stepped to her, twice, and consoled her.
I blame no one for my decision. I have stepped back to me, agonizingly took a deep and long introspective look into me and decided that love is love, stepping on my toes hurts, and saying ouch and getting that person off my toes is a neccesity!
Therefore: lil'd designs is reborn with a determination, a creative force, I haven't experienced since the name change. I use Sallie's World when I work with children in a workshop setting. But for my designs it will always and henceforth be: lil'd designs.
Ouch! Get off my toes!! and welcome to my loving world.

Be careful whom you tell...

I'm sure as creative people we all have those who know how to support, and those who just don't get it. Those who 9 to 5 lives work so well for them and feels so secure that they can't imagine anyone not doing life like they do. And then there are the naysayers with their 'badvice' and their poisonous words, thoughts, and deeds that they just have to share with you in the name of 'setting you straight'.


Those who know how to support a person with vision and creativity look for opportunities, understand the space, the personal space, and time devoted to the craft at hand. They are a blessing to you and your endeavors. Unfortunately they are few and far between. Usually they aren't family members or 'close'. Finding like minded people usually happens at workshops or bazaars or anywhere sellers come together to share their work.


Those who don't know how to support you, and the 'lovely' naysayers, are abundant in their existence. The non supporters love to tell you that what you're doing ain't going to make no money, don't come with healthcare benefits or a 401k. They don't understand how debilitating it is to work a 'job' that slowly kills your soul which leads to you having to use those healthcare benefits to right the health issues that come from not being true to yourself or the gifts that you have been blessed with. They are reacting from from playing it safe, and being unable or unwilling to see beyond how their world works to allow for the differences that make the world more diverse and tasty.


They think that the time you spend at rehearsals or in your studio creating detracts from the time you should be spending according to their 'Book of the Well Planned Life'. You find yourself being accused of all sorts of sins.


AND then the doubt sets in. AND the negative messages hook on.

AND your vision becomes cloudy and dim through all of the negativity.


The naysayers are even worse, because they are more blatant with their 'badvice'. They make comments that start with, "I don't mean any harm BUT" and then they rip you, your talent, your endeavors, your creations, your whatever you do that they don't have the courage to do for themselves. They act on the pretense that they are 'saving' you from yourself. Who anointed them our savior. They are afraid that you'll leave them behind. Which is exactly what you must do to create in a positive, hopeful, sunny, successfulm, stress free, loving environment. Which is why I am extremely careful with whom I share what I do ceatively.